The first few dates may have been phenomenal. The first six months might have felt effortless until some random moment when you suddenly lose the connection. There are little things that can be major game changers for a woman. Women are always thinking in terms of the future and there are things that a man can unwittingly do that effect how she sees you in it.
Most women won’t openly tell you that you’re turning them off, but there are some specific things that can do it in an instant, and your girl really wants you to stop before it’s too late. Every woman has a list (some long, some short) that doesn’t seem to make any sense to anyone but them. To some men, it may even seem petty, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t quickly flip a switch and scratch you off the list completely. I wish I had a better explanation, but sometimes, there are just some things that turn us all off, no matter how petty they may seem. Here are 7 things that tell a woman more about you than you now, and can sometimes send the wrong message.
You can be a little weird at times. Maybe even have a few bizarre habits. So what? That doesn’t matter to her as much as you think it does. The problem occurs when you become insecure about the very quirkiness that may have attracted her to you in the first place. The attraction is not in the quirkiness itself, but in your confidence about it, and nothing is sexier than a man with confidence. If a woman senses that you are not comfortable with who you are, it’s a bit of a turn off. All of a sudden, she is responsible for dishing out unnecessary compliments and it can be daunting. If you are secure in who you are; she will follow suit. It is also a serious turn off when you become a chief detective and start asking a barrage of unnecessary questions. Women want to trust, and to be trusted in return. When you start asking questions about nonsense, it is a major turn off. No woman wants to have to assert her fidelity every time she walks out the door. Keep it up, and she’ll just keep on walking.
2. KNOWING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOUR EX
I’m sure you have dated someone that you are now embarrassed by, we all have. Someone super clingy who wrote us 100 love letters, or one who is notorious for being a crazy bitch. Someone who looked good in theory, but didn’t quite keep it together long enough to paint an accurate picture of what the hell you were thinking at the time. Your woman does not need to know every little detail of your ex. She will judge you even though she’s surely dated some oddballs in her day as well. It may even cause her to question your taste and sensibility, wondering if she is the exception or the rule. It may change her whole perception of you, but not in the way you would like it to. Some exes just need to stay where they belong…in the past.
3. YOUR FAMILY
Disclaimers are always allowed, and sometimes necessary, when it comes to family. Before you bring your woman around your parents or family members, analyze how you tend to act around them. We all get a little nuts around our family, and it can be completely disconnected from who we are every day, but your woman may not quite see it that way. If you are totally out of character around your family, take that into consideration before introducing her. Your family can change your woman’s opinion of you, and this can be a good or bad thing, depending on your family. Keep the sordid details of your family’s personal issues/drama to yourself. Don’t overwhelm her with it, then make her meet them and have to pretend that she doesn’t know that your cousin is sleeping with her sister’s husband, or that your aunt is bipolar, or your dad is an alcoholic. Those things may send her running for the hills. Also, if you’re a bit of a mama’s boy, and you turn into a huge baby around your mother, it is a total turn off. No woman wants to see their man acting like a helpless little infant for any reason. Man up at all times, even around your mommy.
4. CLEANING HABITS
Bringing a woman back to your pristinely clean or hit by a hurricane home gives her great insight about you. She may appreciate the honesty if your place is a little messy, and she can accurately assess what it will be like with you going forward. If she finds it neat and tidy, you immediately receive points and a gold star. The problem arises when the two of you become serious, and those habits change. Your sudden aversion to cleaning may give her the indication that you now expect her to pick up after you. It is an assumption that may leave you lonely, and her feeling misled.
5. HOW YOU HANDLE STRESS
The first few weeks and even months of dating are great! Every time she is with you, it’s like a mini vacation. You put your worries aside and allow her to be part of your fun time. But, it all changes when issues in your life arise. Women are natural nurturers, so she is eager to be your comfort, but you shut her out completely. You become easily irritated, noticeably angry, and bottle up your emotions. It is a whole new side of you that she has not seen before, and she’s watching closely to see how well you handle it. If you Boss up, then it’s a very good look for you. She is looking for you to take the lead, and this will give her an indication of the future because stress is inevitable, but how you handle it is optional.
6. SEXUAL PERFORMANCE
You were Superman in the bed in the beginning. Does she really expect you to keep that up? Maybe. Not every time, but at least be consistent. However shallow it may be, your sexual prowess is one of the things that hooked her, and it is a vital contribution to your relationship. A lot of women only allow certain sides of themselves to come out during sex—it’s an outlet for them that she may not be able to express anywhere else, and it affects her attitude greatly. She may feel more vibrant and relaxed afterwards, and definitely more into you. Don’t leave her longing for Superman, pull out that cape, and rock her world. I guarantee the rewards will be limitless.
7. VERBAL DIHHAREA
TMI. There are just some things about you that we don’t want to know…ever. Men that can’t control what they say show a lack of self-control, and a woman loves a man with self-control, even if just a little bit. There is a distinct line being expressive and full disclosure. To be expressive means telling her how you feel about her, being honest when something is bothering you, etc. Full disclosure means talking about things that are much too personal before she’s ready to hear them, a genuine relationship must be established before full disclosure. Many guys don’t realize that they are focusing too much on themselves during conversation, so it’s always a good idea to make a conscious effort to focus on her. As for ex-girlfriends…only when/if she asks for details! If she does not ask, she probably doesn’t want to know, and it’s best for you not to voluntarily inject your ex into your current relationship or she may just become another ex for you to talk about in your next relationship.
8. TUNING OUT
There is nothing more insulting than tuning someone out. If you act as if you can’t be bothered to listen when she speaks, it’s a sure sign of disrespect. It’s bad enough to get that dismissive treatment from strangers, but when the man she’s dating does it, it speaks volumes. Your silence speaks to her, and it may not always say what you want it to. Men who don’t listen, don’t last long in a relationship. When a man “hears” his woman, but doesn’t “listen” to her, it is a massive turn off. Women love to be heard, and they love it even more when their man does so with interest. When a man shows interest in what she says, it’s a huge turn on because they see the level of commitment in the interest you’re showing. To be truly understood is a powerful thing, a key component to any successful relationship. Seek first to understand, and you will more than reap the rewards of being understood in return.
About the Author
Kimberley Jasper is pursuing her Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She is currently an accomplished self-published author of three novels, with the greatly anticipated release of her fourth. From horror fiction with a mystical twist, to erotic thrillers, she is able to do it all with well-seasoned finesse. Kimberley gives every genre of her writing the same drive and devotion. Formerly a public speaker, she still mentors women of all ages with a series entitled “A Woman’s Work”. She is a returning freelance writer for Sistah’s Place, Maya’s Blog Showcase, and formerly Urban Image Magazine.